At Someone's Expense: Meanings and Usage

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Understanding the English Expression "At Someone's Expense": Meanings and Usage

Have you ever heard someone say "at his expense" or "at the expense of" and wondered what it meant? This common English expression has several important meanings that English learners should understand. Let's explore how native speakers use this versatile phrase in different contexts. 


What Does "At Someone's Expense" Mean?

The expression "at someone's expense" or "at the expense of" has three main meanings:

  1. When someone pays money for something
  2. When someone suffers or is sacrificed for another's benefit
  3. When someone is the target of jokes or criticism

Meaning #1: Financial Cost - Who Pays?

The most literal meaning relates to who is paying for something:

  • "We did everything at his expense" = He paid for everything
  • "The trip was at the company's expense" = The company paid for the trip

Examples:

  • "We enjoy the date at his expense." (He pays for the date)
  • "He lives high at the expense of his girlfriend." (His girlfriend pays for his lifestyle)
  • "He buys expensive things at his parents' expense." (His parents pay for his purchases)

Meaning #2: Sacrifice - One Thing at the Cost of Another

This meaning is about sacrificing or giving up one thing to have another:

  • "Success at the expense of health" = Becoming successful while damaging your health
  • "Comfort at the expense of safety" = Being comfortable but unsafe

Examples:

  • "I don't want to have a baby at the expense of my career." (I don't want to sacrifice my career to have a child)
  • "They achieved economic growth at the expense of environmental protection." (They prioritized economy over environment)

Meaning #3: Making Fun of Someone

The third meaning refers to joking about or criticizing someone:

  • "Making jokes at someone's expense" = Joking about someone in a way that might hurt them
  • "Laughing at her expense" = Laughing at her, not with her

Examples:

  • "He always makes jokes at the expense of others." (He jokes by putting others down)
  • "Stop making jokes at my expense." (Stop making me the target of your jokes)
  • "I never meant it to be at your expense." (I didn't intend to hurt you with my comments)

How to Use This Expression Correctly

When using "at someone's expense" or "at the expense of," remember these patterns:


  • At + possessive + expense

    • At my expense
    • At his expense
    • At their expense

  • At the expense of + noun/pronoun

    • At the expense of my career
    • At the expense of others
    • At the expense of the environment

Alternative Expressions

Instead of "expense," you can sometimes use "cost" with the same meaning:

  • "At my cost" (similar to "at my expense")
  • "At the cost of something" (similar to "at the expense of something")

Real-Life Situations to Use This Expression

In Social Settings

  • When someone else is paying for dinner: "Tonight is at my expense."
  • When someone is making fun of you: "Please stop making jokes at my expense."

In Professional Contexts

  • When discussing work-life balance: "Don't achieve success at the expense of your health."
  • When talking about company benefits: "The training will be at the company's expense."

In Personal Decisions

  • When considering priorities: "I won't pursue money at the expense of my happiness."
  • When discussing relationships: "Don't maintain one friendship at the expense of another."

Common Mistakes & Corrections

  1. ❌ Incorrect: "The trip was at his cost."

    • ✅ Correct: "The trip was at his expense."

    • Explanation: "Expense" is more commonly used in this context.

  2. ❌ Incorrect: "I don’t want success at my health."

    • ✅ Correct: "I don’t want success at the expense of my health."

    • Explanation: "At the expense of" is used to show sacrifice or something given up.

  3. ❌ Incorrect: "He laughed at me expense."

    • ✅ Correct: "He laughed at my expense."

    • Explanation: When referring to someone’s possession, use the possessive form (my, his, her).

  4. ❌ Incorrect: "She achieved happiness at the cost of her job."

    • ✅ Correct: "She achieved happiness at the expense of her job."

    • Explanation: Both "cost" and "expense" can work here, but "expense" is more formal.

  5. ❌ Incorrect: "Stop making jokes at me expense."

    • ✅ Correct: "Stop making jokes at my expense."

    • Explanation: Use "my" for the possessive form when referring to yourself.

  6. ❌ Incorrect: "Don’t sacrifice your life for money at the expense of family."

    • ✅ Correct: "Don’t sacrifice your life for money at the expense of your family."

    • Explanation: The possessive pronoun "your" is needed for clarity.

  7. ❌ Incorrect: "The company paid at the expense for the event."

    • ✅ Correct: "The company paid for the event at its expense."

    • Explanation: "At the expense of" should be used to describe who is paying, not "at the expense for."

  8. ❌ Incorrect: "His jokes always make others laugh at his expense."

    • ✅ Correct: "His jokes always make others laugh at their expense."

    • Explanation: You need to adjust the possessive form to match the correct subject.

  9. ❌ Incorrect: "The company is growing at the cost of the environment."

    • ✅ Correct: "The company is growing at the expense of the environment."

    • Explanation: "At the expense of" is the more appropriate phrase to show sacrifice.

  10. ❌ Incorrect: "He made a decision at the expense for his health."

    • ✅ Correct: "He made a decision at the expense of his health."

    • Explanation: Use "at the expense of" when referring to sacrifices or consequences.

Quiz

Quiz

  1. What does "at someone's expense" mean in this sentence: "The company paid for my conference trip at its expense"?

    • a) They gave me the money

    • b) The company paid for it

    • c) I paid for it

  2. Choose the correct sentence:

    • a) He laughed at me expense.

    • b) He laughed at my expense.

    • c) He laughed at I expense.

  3. Which of the following is an example of "at someone's expense" related to sacrifice?

    • a) "The government’s growth came at the expense of the environment."

    • b) "The company trip was at his expense."

    • c) "We all enjoyed the movie at her expense."

  4. What does "at the expense of health" mean?

    • a) Focusing on health

    • b) Sacrificing health for something else

    • c) Paying for health-related costs

  5. Which phrase would you use to talk about a relationship issue?

    • a) "I hope we can fix it at your expense."

    • b) "Don’t make fun of me at your expense."

    • c) "Don’t sacrifice your happiness at the expense of your friends."

  6. Which of the following means making jokes that hurt someone?

    • a) "Making jokes at their expense."

    • b) "Laughing at their expense."

    • c) Both a and b.

  7. How would you correctly say it’s not worth sacrificing family for work?

    • a) "I won't work at the expense of family."

    • b) "I won’t succeed at family’s expense."

    • c) "I won’t be happy at family’s cost."

  8. Which of the following is the correct use of "at the expense of"?

    • a) "The decision was made at his cost."

    • b) "The event happened at the expense of a lot of money."

    • c) "The decision was made at his expense."

  9. What would "a promotion at the expense of others" imply?

    • a) The promotion is free.

    • b) The promotion was achieved by putting others down.

    • c) The promotion was given to someone else.

  10. Which is the correct use of "expense"?

    • a) "Stop making jokes at my expense."

    • b) "He bought it at my expense."

    • c) Both a and b.


FAQ

Q1: Is it the same as saying "at my cost"?

  • A1: Yes, "at my cost" is similar to "at my expense," but "expense" is more formal and often used in business and official contexts.

Q2: Can I use "at someone's expense" for financial situations only?

  • A2: No, it can refer to sacrifices or even jokes that hurt someone, not just financial cost.

Q3: Can "expense" be used in a positive way?

  • A3: Generally, "at someone's expense" has a negative or neutral connotation, especially when referring to sacrifices or hurtful jokes.

Q4: What’s the difference between "cost" and "expense" in this context?

  • A4: "Expense" is more formal and typically used when referring to official or financial situations, whereas "cost" can be used more generally.

Q5: Can I use "at the expense of" to talk about time?

  • A5: Yes, you can say "at the expense of time" to indicate that time was sacrificed for something else, such as prioritizing work over personal life.

Q6: How can I use "expense" for a relationship?

  • A6: You can say, "I won’t let my relationship suffer at the expense of my career," meaning you won’t sacrifice your relationship for work.

Q7: What if I say "I made a joke at his expense"?

  • A7: It means you joked about him in a way that may have hurt or embarrassed him.

Q8: Can "at someone's expense" be used in a positive way?

  • A8: It’s typically negative, especially when referring to jokes or sacrifices that harm someone else, but it can be used neutrally when talking about who’s paying for something.

Q9: When should I avoid using "at someone's expense"?

  • A9: Avoid using it when you don’t want to imply sacrifice, hurt, or something negative—like in sensitive or formal situations.

Q10: What does "at the expense of my health" mean in daily life?

  • A10: It means sacrificing your health, such as working too much and not caring for your body properly.

Key Points Summary

Expression Meaning Example
At someone's expense Financial cost, sacrifice, or making fun of someone "The trip was at his expense."
At the expense of Sacrifice, prioritizing one thing over another "They achieved success at the expense of their health."
Making jokes at someone's expense Joking in a way that puts someone down "He always makes jokes at my expense."
Using it in context Choose the right situation: financial, sacrifice, or jokes "The promotion was achieved at the expense of her friends."

Here are the answers to the quiz:

  1. b) The company paid for it

    • "At someone's expense" in this case means the company paid for the trip.

  2. b) He laughed at my expense.

    • This is the correct way to say someone laughed at you in a hurtful way.

  3. a) "The government’s growth came at the expense of the environment."

    • This refers to a situation where growth (success) was achieved by sacrificing the environment.

  4. b) Sacrificing health for something else

    • "At the expense of health" means that health was sacrificed in order to achieve something else, like success.

  5. c) "Don’t sacrifice your happiness at the expense of your friends."

    • This talks about prioritizing something important (happiness) without sacrificing others (friends).

  6. c) Both a and b.

    • Both "making jokes at their expense" and "laughing at their expense" mean joking or laughing in a way that harms the other person.

  7. a) "I won't work at the expense of family."

    • This is a way to say you won’t sacrifice family for work.

  8. b) "The event happened at the expense of a lot of money."

    • This sentence correctly uses "at the expense of" to indicate something costly was sacrificed.

  9. b) The promotion was achieved by putting others down.

    • This suggests that the promotion was gained at the cost of harming or disadvantaging others.

  10. c) Both a and b.

  • Both sentences use "at my expense" correctly: one to mean jokes at your cost and the other to mean someone paid for something.

Conclusion

Understanding the phrase "at someone's expense" or "at the expense of" helps you talk about things like costs, sacrifices, and social situations in a more natural way. It’s useful in lots of different conversations, so the more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll feel using it.

Just remember—context is everything! Pay attention to the situation and the words around the phrase to figure out whether it’s about money, making a sacrifice, or joking at someone’s cost.



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